How she felt

5 am
zero hour

and I'm gonna be high
as a kite by then...

its cold
I'm tired, my feet are wet with morning dew and my eyes are sore but above everything else, I'm cold.
Walking around the suburbs before dawn probably isn't the best use o my time, but I had to see it. At least once before...
My name is Mathew Reinheart and something big is about to happen in my life. In 48 hours I'm moving away from my home to Sydney. Dad's gotten a great job over there apparently, and since I'm only fourteen and I don't have a mum any more... I guess that's the end of it.
I thin that normal kids my age would chuck a fit about moving so far away. But I don't have too many friends or ties to the place. I just have trouble making friends I think. Something about me.
Still, its not like I'd rather not stay. I often leave the house and wander around the streets. Its pretty cool I think looking at different houses and places. Each of them have their own family inside, their own world and stuff to think about, just like me and dad. And if I just keep on walking I can eventually find some new streets hidden away to explore.
But I'm not just exploring for the sake of it. Today I've got a actually got an aim. Today I want to see the sun rise. There's two reasons why. First, I've never actually seen it rise. And second, because I had a friend who said it was the most beautiful thing ever.
This friend. She's not here any more. Kind of like mum. Actually, not really. Mum is still here, I just don't see much of her since she split up with dad. I prefer it this way without them fighting all of the time, but... well, its not important.
My friend, she was in a car accident. It happened halfway through this year, just after school. I saw her leave in the car, and then found out the next day that she was gone. It was... bad. I don't want to remember it.
Anyway, I remember her once saying how awesome sunrises are. She lived in the hills so she had to get up really early every day to get to school. So when she would be driving down with her mum she'd get to see the sun rise during winter. I cant actually remember how she described it, things about colour and glow. I remember that it was really cool listening to her say it though.
Before I leave, I want to know what it was like. What she felt like every morning. What it was that made her so happy that each day she'd smile all the time. What made her choose to hang out with someone like me.
The whole sky is getting brighter all at once, not just once corner like I thought. The grass is still we and making my butt cold and numb, and my eyes and  my eyes are still sore. But its almost there, I can tell. I don't want to miss it, so I climb up onto the playground equipment at the park. Even after sitting on top of its roof where you're not supposed to go I still cant see over the top of the trees, but its better than it was on the ground.
I'm sitting on top of the playground. I'm alone. My best friend is... dead. And so is my mum. And in two days I'll be flying to the other side of the country to start some sort of a new life.
But I can see it now. Its just creating. I can see the gradual glow around everything, the cold wind in my face, and the little circle of light that is apparently a huge nuclear bomb is rising.
I think I'm being silly, but I can feel its warmth on me as soon as I can see it.
I feel kind of tingly inside. My gut squirms as I realise that I'm grinning.
I think this is what she felt like.